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  • AYYY.

    Jennico here. Spent a couple of hours tweaking theme and am still confused with slide down selection div and all those shizzles. Uh, might continue later. Ciao.
    Enjoy reading!




20170820
Sunday, 20 August 2017 @ 4:28 pm ☂ 0 comment(s)

Hey.

Yeah.

I know.

I'm still alive, somehow. I wonder why at times.



I wanted to say I've felt less..depressed compared to, say, three years ago. But I guess life is full of ups and downs and lately it feels like it's nothing but downs.

I know I don't have it as bad as other people but I'd like to believe that just because it isn't as bad, it won't mean it's not bad. Get what I mean?

I just need to ramble.

I'm doing..okay. Feeling shitty on the inside as always. I don't have a vision, no direction to follow for my future. It's devastating. I mean, feeling lost as I incessantly compare myself to my peers who at least know what they want in this life and/or have friends who actually care for them.

I'm lucky enough to have a supportive family but at times I really wish for a friend or two, you know. It's always weird for me, I'm always trying too hard to hold up a conversation, never really comfortable to talk with others. Yet when I rarely find someone I feel comfortable with, they just...left. Is it something about me?

Am I going to end up living in some place alone in the future and only go out for food?
It's not comforting at all that I'm actually not repulse with that thought.
I've been thinking that maybe I want those friends because of the society's precognition that you'll be an absolute loser living like that. (Which admittedly it is. But hey, it seems comfortable.)

Alright, I may sound super needy but hey it's no fun to only receive messages from clients and mom and at rare chances, from those who need my help. Idk man, I kinda want someone who'd like to talk to me without any ulterior motives. Am I asking too much?

As for my job...I don't really enjoy it to be really honest. It's...doable but I don't enjoy it. I find it hard to befriend my colleagues. I'm starting to think that maybe I should have taken the creative path, but hey I fucked up.

Maybe I'll just start saving up so I can afford a place of my own or something (preferably a small house?) But hey at this rate, I don't think anyone from our generation will actually be able to afford such luxury.

Haha, sorry I'm such a bummer. Why do I exist? Does my existence even matter at all to anyone's life?

My parents are gonna be so sad if they ever read this.
Why am I like this?

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