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Some anime and end of July rant fest.
Heya! So, I'm going home on the 2nd, which means in almost a day. Yeah, since it's eight minutes to tomorrow. Anyway, how's life? ...well it's not like you want to share it with me here, in my blog, right? (I won't mind at all if you do, though) So far, my recent days consist of sleeping, eating, drawing, and watching series. ...not very exciting, huh. Yeah I know. But I went to the night safari a few days ago. I had a blast! I love looking at the animals and feeling closer to the nature. It calms me. I might go there again, some day. These vacant days had made me watch more anime. Man, can I be a bigger loser than I am now? I finished a stupid series called 'The Daily Lives of High school Boys", and boy was it a stupid series. I enjoyed it a lot though.. Ah, it's tomorrow already. There's this other anime that I picked up earlier today. It was abbreviated as 'Watamote', please just google its full name since it's a huge pain to write it down. Basically it's about a gloomy girl who has no social life whatsoever and thus is socially awkward as fuck. Like seriously, she goes through a hell lot of embarrassing stuffs that I get too much second-hand embarrassment just by watching her (and omfg it's a freaking anime for god's sake!!) In a way, this anime is somehow depressing, it's like I see a lot of myself in her. Yeah. Still I caught myself a lot of times muttering "no, you're not ugly" or "be more confident!" or "come on, cheer up, try to start a conversation" when I'm watching this (yes, I talk to the characters in the series I watch, regardless of them being fictional or not, but fear not, I do this only when I'm alone). So, I decided not to drop this series. Oh I started watching Baccano too! Daang was it gory. It's about immortal mafias and gore like finger slicing, torturing (not exactly shown, but yeah he said 'I haven't cleaned out the grease yet so it'a going to be painful' or something like that, I don't remember, but whatever that meant), and the dude who freaking lost his arm and flung around his bones carelessly and blood everywhere. Yep. ...okay, enough of the anime talk. If you're still here, good, thanks for sticking around. I'll probably write my feelings down now. A few days ago I hung out with an old friend of mine. We really go back a long way. So, yeah, he's a nice guy. We talked a lot. ...can I be really honest here? I'm really risking it, knowing that he could possibly read this, but I need to get this out of my chest, besides, it's not like I'm talking bad about him or confessing whatsoever. Okay I'm letting all out, okay? Please don't get angry or insulted by this. I just- it's something that can't be casually talked about, in my opinion, okay? I felt like I tried too hard. Trying too hard to keep the conversations flowing. Trying too hard not to bore my friend. It's like, I don't even know how to interact on one-on-one basis. Am I allowed to keep quiet? When is the best time for me to stop bringing up topics? Am I being too overwhelming? Am I being annoying? What do people who have no common-interest really talk about? What do people talk about with their friends? The weather? Other people? Movies? School? What? It's as if I've lost the ability to socialise. I was careful not to talk about myself all the time, since it could be seen as conceited but in the end, I think I bored him out of his mind. Seriously, and he's like one of the nicest dudes I've known for my entire life! Always including me in social activities even though I'm as lame as a soggy burger! ...I just hope that I haven't lost one more friend. Moving on. There's this other issue that's really close to my heart and it happens so often that the number of times I (may or may not) screw up could be delirious. ... How should I comfort a friend in need? Seriously. What should I say or do to help make it better? I'm not always physically there for them, so most of the time I could only try consoling with words. And I sucked big time at that. Don't get me wrong, though! I'd love to help a friend! I'm just confused.. How can I say the right words when every time I try to think up a way out, my mind would always contradict me and point out the flaw in the logic? In the end the most I can say is "there, there" and "it's going to be okay" or "don't give up!" I know, those words are too heavy in their context that they shouldn't have been tossed around without care. I know, words are just...words. I'm not in their shoes, so how could I possibly be as selfish as to tell them what to do? I...just want them to feel better. What am I supposed to tell a friend whose dog has just died? I can't offer hugs, that notion is far too strange to be comfortable for us, this society I grew up in. Should I say, "they're in a better place now"? I find it a tad bit cheesy, but maybe that was what I should have said. ...expect a cheesier me in near future. Alright. This should be the last one. I have a confession to make: I'm such a picky friend. Noo, not that kind of judgemental picky kind of picky. It's just.. it's very hard for me to open up to anyone. I don't have exactly the most common kind sense of humour nor do I understand what girls my age are typically interested in. And my newer peers tend to gravitate away from me, so.......wait, what was it again? Why am I back to starting a self-pity party again? Ah, never mind. |