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20130613
Hey there. I'm feeling down again today. Wow, I think there are more of this kind of days as of recent, huh? Not a good sign for my mental health... I...feel very anti-social these days. All that I could see are the bad things in people. I mean it honestly. I just can't help but make a mental list of what makes that other person terrible. I feel very judgemental and it makes me feel horrible about myself. I really wish I could stop. But how am I supposed to convince myself that there are still good in people, when I can't even see the goodness in myself? Or am I that horrible that I don't have a good side any more? I feel that I'm very cynical, self-centred, and often quite temperamental. Seriously, who would get upset over such a trivial matter? I'm pretty sure they're talking behind my back now. And I don't think they even care about me any more. Sometimes I wish I could split myself into two and grab myself by the collar just for the sake of it. I sometimes wonder what the purpose of my life is, or how I will manage to move forward if I'm so stuck in the time and there is no one in the same position as me. It's just, so unfair. Why am I born to be such an anti-social pessimist? They say that happiness is by choice. But how can I be happy when there's nothing to be happy about? I know, there are many things to be happy about, and the fact that I live a sufficiently lavish life, my parents have always provided me with my needs, but why do I feel empty? Why can't I find a friend? Why is everybody leaving? Why are they going away? Why won't this sadness fade away? Why can't I stand on my own feet and be okay on my own? When have I grown too dependent on others? Why am I this miserable? I just feel terribly lonely. |