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20120629
The end of June is nearing, so I think I might write something as well. This is my 5th (or 6th since I'm posting at 29th) day away from my hometown. Naturally, I have to say: My holiday is too short. I really think it was. Especially since the last day (night) was well spent with some of my good friends. I had never felt this kind of reluctance regarding going back to Singapore. I couldn't believe it, to be honest. Here, I am as free as I could ever be. Of course, I'm still under a close and (very) constant monitoring (like a fugitive? haha), but at least I'm at a degree above my usual state of freedom if I were to stay at home. This holiday, however, I was actually very comfortable at home. I didn't get tangled up in any sort of mess, I didn't upset people, I did what I was supposed to do (practice drawing....a bit), my family was peaceful, and I had fun with some of my friends (I was comfortable with the small number, actually). Well, I can't bitch and whine forever. After all, I'm just moving slightly away from my most-comfort zone to my merely-comfort zone. I still need to get back to my routines eventually. (You know, I actually have some bizarre and somewhat abstract ideas which I might pour into some stories later. In case I forgot, I'll write a few keywords here: puppet, soul, scripted, entertainment.) -- I had read some of my past posts (although it's only within quite a short period time) recently and I notice that my writing skill has seriously deteriorated to a point of an alarming state. Although some of my posts were written in bitter tones, it was actually better-organised and better-written than my recent posts. (Does this mean I have to embrace my bitter side again to be better in terms of writing? haha) It's not that my vocabulary knowledge has declined, in fact I'm trying to memorise a few novel words every time I read well-written pieces (and I have indeed recently subscribed to some new online writers with great works). You know what, I'm actually coming up with excuses because I'm such a lazy ass for not practising enough. Ah, speaking of writing, I had a piece that I found quite interesting in one of my literature (gosh, it was such a huge word, and I'm just a hobbyist who can't even write well) folders. It was written a few years ago and it was actually an edit of some other person's work. And currently, I plan on expanding it into a whole new different story of its own..maybe. Frankly speaking, the idea wasn't actually a unique one. It was about a girl who was in a school where they have separate sections for rich and 'normal' students and she just so happened to be muddled up with the richest and worst guy. I know, the king of cliché. -- Is it better to develop an attraction to something and being unsure if the condition will go our way and remain the same in the future? Is it better to find out that the thing we like hadn't stayed in the same favourable condition in the future just when we're about to have a deeper attachment towards that thing and thus immediately stop liking? Wow, I hope you understand what I meant. I was just wondering which will cause more loss. The ache that we suffer through disappointment? Or the fact that we're missing out on tremendous feeling albeit not be necessarily nice? The second choice did mean we have to be disappointed too, but it would be less severe since we've already known that it's worthless. However, this also means that we won't really be as committed as the first condition as we know it just won't happen. -- Ahaha, never mind the last few paragraphs, that's just how my mind work: always self-conflicting and involved in a useless self-argument. Here's a quote I find very sweet: I'm...actually a coward.I love you if you know this. Labels: personal |